Valentine's Day or Doomsday?

Since when did the day of love become the most dreaded holiday of the year? I can only imagine how hurt the tended-hearted little Cupid feels when he hears the groans and grumbles with the advent of his holiday. I would imagine it feels like a shot through the heart, but one could argue it’s just a taste of his own medicine.

Much like our nearly nude and winged friend, I am disappointed by all this fuss. Even without a significant other there are significantly better ways to spend the holiday than sitting in a dark room balling over a movie about two love-struck teens and eating a box of chocolates. (Notice I didn’t say an entire box of chocolates. We all know you eat about four and then throw away 15 half-eaten fruit flavored ones.) But how is Cupid supposed to strike you with love if the only one else in the room is your teddy bear or underfed goldfish? I don’t think Cupid is shrewd enough to take things that far.

For goodness sakes the day is a holiday! Hol·i·day: a day of festivity or recreation when no work is done. Get off your sad behind and get festive! Sure it’s a excuse for couples to relish in their own little twitterpated worlds, but Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be just for couples, it should be for anyone who wants to spread a little love, so get out there and spread some!

Before I start to sound like a hippie, here’s a list of some ideas to make your Valentine’s Day one worth remembering:

• Get a group of friends together and make some valentines. Use the classics like crayons, construction paper, glue, glitter, pasta noodles, feathers, etc.
• Go Heart Attack someone who could use some lovin’. Cut out as many paper hearts as you can before your hand falls off and then cover someone’s car or front door with them. Write notes on a few of them to show how much they mean to you.
• Rain or shine, hurricane or volcano, there will be someone studying in the library. Bake some cookies or buy some candy and pass them out to those hard at work. Be the stranger that makes someone’s day.
• Get some friends together and see who can write the sappiest love poems. Go Valentine caroling and recite them to friends.
• Pull out the video camera and re-create a romance movie, or better yet, come up with your own.
• Knock on the door of that special someone, grab their face, smack a kiss on their lips, and then run away before they know what hit them. If they come running that equals good. If they don't, hide in your apartment until your contract is up and then run away!

Also, let us all remember that love is spelled L-O-V-E and not L-U-S-T!

The Awkward Singers

This is for all you people out there who have had the same uncomfortable experience.

It starts out at a group gathering of sorts. People mingle with acquaintances, chattering in small groups. Everything is socially under control until...it happens.

Someone decides that right then, in the middle of a group conversation, that it would be the perfect time to show off their singing voice. Their less-than-pleasurable-and-superfluous-use-of-vibrato voice.

They don't actually know the words to any songs except hymns, or Christmas Carols so they pick one like, "Oh, Come All Ye Faithful". (As was in my case.)

Everyone does the smart thing and simply ignores the situation and keeps on talking. Everyone except for you, of course. You see, you feel bad for this person so you decide to humor them for a moment, not realizing you've just made a grave mistake.

You suddenly find yourself making eye-contact with the singer who takes your acknowledgement as a sign of appreciation. They think, "She must think I am impressive, and therefore I must keep singing! Louder!"

Next thing you know you're getting a personal concert from the singer who will not give you a break from their bubble breaching eye contact. Except of course, when they close their eyes for dramatic effect.

You begin to sweat.

Expecting your friends to notice and save you from the situation you dart your eyes around in a desperate search for freedom. To your horror you notice your group has actually disassembled, leaving you there as a sacrifice for the rest of them to enjoy themselves in social competency.

It is here that you must decide between the lesser of two evils. "Do I let them continue to sing, or do I interject with a comment (not compliment) on their singing abilities only to lead them to a five minute discussion on how they sang that song as a townsperson their high school play?"

There is no correct answer. There is only perseverance and pain.

The Fat Lady

I'm irked.

Maybe it's because I just finished the Hunger Games series and everyone knows finishing a series leads to a temporary depression, but still...

I'm irked at the fat lady!

Every day around noon you can find me sitting on the benches of the side hallway of the HRCB building. I eat lunch there, do homework, waste myself on Pinterest. But occasionally I get really tired. Could it be because I'm in college and stay up late working and wake up early for classes? Likely. Could it be that I stay up late reading books about 16 year-old-girls attempting to overthrow her government? Also likely.

Either way, I'm tired and shouldn't have to have an excuse, just like the rest of the people whom I see sleeping around campus in all sorts of corners and crevasses of the school all the time. In that very building actually. So, like I've done in the past, I lay down on a bench (in a low traffic area, mind you) with my backpack for a pillow and respectfully letting my feet dangle off the end so my shoes don't get the bench dirty.

Then, it happened...

Just as I get to that delighful stage where you're still awake but starting to dream, I hear,

"EXCUSE ME"

Being sleepy makes you extra sensitive to sound, so with this remark I make a jolt with shock and see...the fat lady.
(Side Note: Maybe it's just me, but if someone does something offensive to me, if they're fat I am ever more inclined to dislike them. Besides being rude, they lost 50 points when they gained 50 pounds.)

She continues,

"Don't lay on the benches, okay?"

Before I've even realized what's going on she walks away.

Naturally, I'm irrationally bitter towards the whole building pack up my stuff to leave, the whole while thinking:

"Lay on a bench? LAY on a bench? Heck lady! No sleeping would have made more sense, but lay? Is there some kind of social rule against laying on benches? Have I offended someone? If I'm just out of the social bench loop let me know but do NOT tell me I can't lay on a bench and then walk away! Geez."

Word of advise to you ma'am,
"Don't let your fat roll off your chair, okay?"


Second, what authority did she have to tell me not to sleep there. Sheesh, I'm offended at myself having just read about a girl who killed people because they told her what to do and I sheepishly obeyed the fat without question. Maybe tomorrrow I'll walk into the HRCB, find her, grab her by her creme puff shoulders and say, "WHY?! WHY?! Why can I not "lay" on the bench? Is it because you care about the image of the Kennedy Center? Because if it is, I think a great deal more improvement would be made if you got struck with the stomach flu for the next three months!"

So the moral of this rant is, next time you try to sleep on a public bench, think twice. Some fat lady may come tell you you're not allowed.

Public Display of Affection

Alright society, you've successfully got me confused.

Every year you spend $8.75 after $8.75 for tickets to romance movies. As soon as they're out on video you buy a copy for yourself, your sister, and one for your best friend's birthday. From there you curl up with a blanket, pjs, anything with over 500 calories, and you watch a chick flick for the 3rd time that month.

After the usual romantic story-line of the perfect first date, the complete misunderstanding that results in utter loathing, and finally the heartfelt apology where someone pleads for forgiveness, it happens. The kiss. You KNOW it's the best part of the whole movie!

Some of the best romantic kiss scenes ever:

The Proposal: In Sandra Bullock's office when Ryan Reynolds asks her to marry him.

Pride and Prejudice: The last scene in front of the lake...you know "Mrs. Darcy..."

Cast Away: When Kelly chases Chuck out in the rain to tell him she's still in love with him even after all those years. (Heartbreaker)

The Sound of Music: Liesel and Ralph's first kiss in that gazebo. Weeeeee!

The Notebook: Allie and Noah Kissing in the rain. Enough said.

And of course,

Sleeping Beauty: That magical kiss that brings the beautiful princess back to life!

Go ahead. Swoon if you haven't already. Swoon again. Swoon three times! You know it makes you so happy and so fluffy-unicorn-rainbow-cloud-fuzzy-lovey-pink-cherry-gumdroppy-floaty-bubble-good!

So tell me. WHY can the world not stand PDA? I can understand if it gets out of hand, but would it really kill you to smile next time you saw a couple kissing? You PAY to be entertained by others kissing in movies but grimace every time you see a couple kissing on campus for FREE. Honestly, what in the world is so different? The fact that they're not Leo and Kate Winslet? Please. Admit you're just jealous it's not you.

So when you see that lip-locked couple on the way to Physical Science, instead of thinking "get a room", why not think "oh my goodness that boy and that girl are so in love and I bet they're just floating on cloud 9 right now and who knows, maybe she's been a bridesmaid 27 times and has 27 ugly dresses but finally found the man of her dreams and he just told her he can't live without her and the wedding bells start playing...etc." Who's going to take time to find a room in that moment. Honestly, you never know what's going on between two people, so give 'em their time. Odds are other people are going to see you kiss your sweetheart some day.

I've heard one too many girls say they wish life was like a romantic movie without realizing there's romance everywhere they just roll their eyes every time they see it. Don't hold back world! If you've got love in you, don't be shy about it! Your lips were made for whistlin' and kissin' so get to work my friends! Who cares what anyone else thinks. They'll never know romance like you do.

So next time you see a couple kiss hold that gag reflex and instead think, "It's like Drew Barrymore kissing Michael Vartan for the first time on the baseball field in front of a couple hundred sighing people. Good for them. Way to bring some love into the wold."